my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Vodka?
Forever.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
