Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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