it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
