i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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