I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
