Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
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