he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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