I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
