A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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