she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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