ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
tonight lets celebrate not being married
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
i believe in u and ur pee
Randomize
