a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
