Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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