he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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