pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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