What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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