When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
