So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
