I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize