Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
