i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
