STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
