Soap is not a condiment
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
