There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
