Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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