You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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