You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Randomize
