As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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