the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
is it fun? or sober?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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