Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
