what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
