I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Randomize
