You kept calling me your small dog last night.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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