I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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