you would pick up someone in the library
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
