I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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