Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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