so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I think your dad took our porno
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
