Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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