the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize