this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
