By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
