My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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