i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
