someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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