i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
