I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
