My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
