Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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