If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
