so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Walk of Shame today included voting.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
