I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
