from now on my penis is your penis
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
This is my gift to your gina
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Randomize
