She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
