Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
