I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Never underestimate the power of titties
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
