Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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