talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
