Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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