Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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