My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
