Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
