Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Randomize
