Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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