loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
