well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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