She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
You may now shotgun with the bride
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
