Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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