I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
