Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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