I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
