just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize