Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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