Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
