Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
