I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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