Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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